I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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