you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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