the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
