I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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