i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
