When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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