I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
