I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Less talking, more tequila
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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