the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
