Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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