Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
