Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
