You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
