I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
