you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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