I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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