Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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