you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
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I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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