it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
