what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
