oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize