I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
