If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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