Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
