cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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