I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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