the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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