mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
