Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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