Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
