this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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