A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
