after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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