is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
