because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
