The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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