Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
