I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
