im six kinds of drunk right now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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