life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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