yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
