Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
