Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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