The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
