This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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