You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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