; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
