I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
