I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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