I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
