Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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