epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How external is "for external use only"?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
