Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
