I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
