how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
