so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
