By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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