I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
