i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
