I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drunk is not a location!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Never joke about your clitoris.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
