I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize