Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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