Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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