Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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